Weekend musings - 07

In love, the happiness of my loved ones and grief I am kind of understanding life better.

“In hope, we have life and life without love is a waste.”

Original hai, straight from some corner of my heart that still wants to love and be loved. But only if wishes had wings. So I decided to find love around me and see if I can be happy in it.

Last weekend my elder one - Suhana turned 10. While she was silent the younger one (Mausam) who is six and a half year old made sure there is no drama left in the birthday celebrations. I was wondering what should I give to the big girl.

I decided to write a letter to the 10-year-old. Along with a sketchbook, colour pens and a birthday card; the bag had a note for the big girl. Suhana was the first girl in our family and hence was my father’s favourite. She is a carbon copy of my brother and by birth is inclined towards arts and craft. And family is very important to her.

My letter recollected how we were happy as a family to have her and now that she is a big girl she should not stop trying to do things. As her chacha, my only advice to her was to be fearless in trying things and learn from them.

Sometime back the world celebrated “Women’s Day.” While it is nothing more than a marketing chutiyapa I was thinking about what it really means and being a woman. I don’t know, a man won’t have a clue. But for me, if we really want to give respect and opportunity to women we should stop treating them differently in every aspect. This will happen only when we start treating them as equals from birth.

Just like in the movie Pagglait - a young widow finds her life in the death and grief of his husband’s loss. Streaming on Netflix deals with different forms of grief that has lost a son, a brother, a husband and the only working man of the house.

Directed by Umesh Bist it is a powerful Hindi film that also shows the greed that is followed after death. Set in the streets of purani Dili the film showcases society’s real face and how it gives wings to the woman to finally make her own decisions.

It isn’t easy in a society where being born as a girl is looked upon as a curse. I am happy that in my family I have two talented, fun-loving and beautiful girls. Both super competitive parents are giving them a comfortable life while doing their best in imparting values. 

While I stayed with the kids I also made sure that I gave them complete attention. For example, I played some crazy games after lunch, watched their favourite shows, the music videos they like and heard all the gossips about online education. The younger one gave nonstop dance performances. Both don’t have a pause button.

In the evening I gave them company in joining them for their bike rides. When I came back I felt really happy as Suhan thanked me for the letter. The simple thank you just melted my heart and I was happy.

For me writing letters with the fountain pen has always been special. I started writing letters when I was in college. Those days once a month I would send a small letter in Hindi to my parents. It wasn’t that great just a formal note.

Recently while browsing through the old photo albums I found one such letter. It was a simple note but I was touched that it meant so much to my parents especially my father.

My father kept everything. You can find a steel glass still in our kitchen that was bought at the time of my birth.

“Clear writing represents clear thinking,” says CEO of Automatic and co-founder of WordPress Matt Mullenweg.

In a nearly two-hour audio conversation with Shane Parish, he discusses distributed work, the 5 levels of autonomous organizations, decision making, running an organization with more than 1300 people, integrating acquisitions and so much more.

I was impressed by how Matt values writing and the organization’s culture of using blogs or discussion forums as a means of documenting and sharing thoughts. No, they don’t give importance to email and definitely not to Whatsapp. 

Basecamp is very picky about its hiring and the first thing the company and the CEO Jason Fried wants to see is how well you write or express yourself. The company uses writing as one of the crucial tools for Marketing and internal communications. If you haven’t read his book - “It doesn’t have to be crazy” then give a spin to his conversation with Shane.

The old podcast is a gem as the CEO gives us a peek behind the scenes of his company and discusses his philosophy on doing great work, making a positive difference, and learning to breathe in the fast-paced culture of today’s workplace.

Writing is who I am. For more than a decade it was a startup dream. That fizzed after seven years of burning everything. I had promised that I will not go back to writing and here I am writing once again.

By the end of 2019, I had started this blog on Substack. The idea was to write about Marketing and Advertising but I was really pissed with the BS that the industry throws at you with every PR article.

2020 was a life-changing experience, my guardian angel came from nowhere and introduced me to the Nonprofit world. I initially said no to the work because I was pretty sure that the orgnaization won’t pay me well. 

Not only it paid me well, but it also opened up doors for me to the Nonprofit world where the ROI is simple - how much money you raised?

Also, the basics of digital are so important in the online fundraising space. And since I had no clue about the industry I immersed myself in reading and writing on this blog.

By the end of my first Nonprofit consulting project, I was pretty sure that this is the space I want to be in for the rest of my life. No, I don’t have a big heart that wants to do good for the world. I just think that my skillsets and the industry complement each other.

But this also meant having patience. During the pandemic, the Nonprofit space had been hit hard, with zero budgets there was hardly any hirings or decent projects. Besides clarity makes you rigid.

So I refused a few opportunities and a lot of them rejected me. But I am fortunate to have a family that stood by my side, even if they were worried about my affairs they wouldn’t say on my face. Also, my father would stand in front of me blocking all the bouncers.

“Mantu be in the NGO space. This is good work and you will get fame and success in this field,” he said after which he decided to get permanent citizenship in heaven. I am told the single malt tastes good up there.

I am happy to share that I have recently joined DTV Group as a Senior Fundraising Consultant. An agency that works with Nonprofit organizations across the world with a belief in putting films at the heart of fundraising. Going forward it is expected that I set up the digital arm for the firm in India and Asia. 

I am neither chasing any fame nor I am running behind any glory. But I couldn’t be happier than fulfilling my dad’s last wish.

In Keeping the Bees(streaming on Netflix) - Ayşe returns from Germany to her Black Sea hometown and sets out to fulfil her mom's dying wish — to care for her beloved bee farms. But before that, she will have to overcome her fears and fight with her demons. The beautiful movie inspired by true events deals with sibling problems, childhood scars and the wish to be loved.

A young lad who is a dear friend and younger brother from another mother recently texted me that he couldn’t stop crying after reading my ebook about death and overcoming grief.

I felt happy that he could connect with my dad through my words. But at the same time, he wished that he could have a similar relationship with his dad too.

When I was young and in my teens, I and my father wouldn’t look at each other at all. I would hardly be at home, dumb in my studies and all I did was daydreaming. My father would often say:

“Angrez chale gaye aur tujheye chod gaye.” (Britishers left India but they left you behind.)

This was a frequent comment with respect to my carefree lifestyle. My mother often tells me that both father and son were just copy cats. 

“Dono zidi, and would always do what they wanted anyway.”

In my case, my relationship with my father changed or I really saw him when he came for me when my marriage was broken from every corner. And then the way he accepted me after I turned at his door at the age of 40 all broken, in debt and complete fucking loser. 

I never wanted to come to Bangalore. All my life I have lived on my own and at the age of 40 when people have a happy family, money and life; I was going and living with my parents. I was so wrong then. The last three years gave me a big opportunity to be with my parents and especially connect with my father.

I consider myself very fortunate that I was with my father in his last moments. My heart goes for my brother who stayed just 15 km away and by the time he reached my father was a piece of meat. 

After finishing my weekend with my kids I was excited to meet my friend who was waiting for me to share his weekend experience with his date. For the next few hours, I heard everything while he kept talking. 

I have always believed that even in today’s world - It is always the sparks matter. It is there or it isn’t. You feel it in the first word or when you meet. Before you get attracted the body sends signals. 

Looks like my friend has met his girl who is engaging with every text message, every call and every moment both are spending together. I love the calmness infused with suddenly receiving so much attention and warmth that he has on his face. He is in love but he is keeping it simple and taking one day at a time. Sometimes our past is so heavy that it becomes tough to breathe in the present.

He also thanks me that I pushed him into the world of Bumble. I am happy for my friend and said:

“Treasure these moments, watch, document and get drunk in these emotions while being present.”

He is genuinely a nice guy and not an asshole like me. Both are getting along well while accepting each other in the now. I am happy for them.
I have nicknamed my friend Rumi.

Just before the weekend I had sent my friend one of my favourite thoughts from Rumi and had said - “Good things are going to happen, my friend.”

I can be happy by being happy in the joys of others. Just like that, I feel the pain when I keep seeing the hoardings that celebrate the demise of loved ones.

Recently I passed by a big celebration of someone who had passed away. I didn’t turn my face but I looked for the people who were grieving. I had a smile on my face and at the same time I just said - I feel you.

In expressing my love with no expectations, in the happiness of my loved ones and grief of my best person, I am kind of understanding life better.

My song of the week is from a mind fucking movie called Tamasha. I love the song.

Tum saath ho ya na ho kya fark hai
Bedard thi zindagi bedard hai
Agar tum saath ho. Agar tum saath ho