Finding My Superpower: A Journey from 41 to 47
Running Ultra's isn't the real flex but being at peace with self is
8:24 AM: Aboard an Indigo flight from Leh to Delhi, chewing chocolate and sipping water to gain strength for typing this post.
This is my second trip to Leh after 2019, when I was 41. Six years ago, I came for a 10-day Vipassana camp, followed by time in Leh and Manali, ending at the Golden Temple.
Now, at 47, I've returned to fulfill a decade-old dream: running in Ladakh. I'll share my race experience in a future post, but today I want to reflect - a calmer, less anxious version of myself smiling at my younger self.
Looking Back at 41
In 2019, I went to Leh for two reasons: I wanted to become a better person, and I'd always dreamed of experiencing bone-chilling cold in Leh. The Vipassana center was open in early December, and I completed the ten-day course.
This was also when I decided to take running seriously, finishing my first half marathon in Pune.
The course was transformative while it lasted, but as soon as I returned to regular life, my old habits followed. That's the real test of any meditation practice - how it holds up in daily life.
What disturbed me most then was my discomfort with myself. I was looking for someone or something external to make me happy, not realizing that no object, hobby, or person can - or should - be responsible for my happiness.
The Challenge of Self-Acceptance
Being comfortable with yourself isn't always seen as a virtue. If you're quiet in a group, people worry or ask why you're not talking. My response: "I'll speak when I have something to add."
By choice, I prefer being on my own, moving at my own pace.
At 47, a quote by Irrfan Khan resonates deeply: "In the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking time to say goodbye."
Accepting Life As It Is
Life is about finding love, losing love, watching loved ones leave, gaining and losing money, experiencing joy and grief. One day, I too will die, and so will you. This is life - harsh but true - and we can only accept it as it is.
You begin this acceptance by going deep within yourself, recognizing your good and bad qualities, and becoming comfortable with who you are rather than seeking external validation.
Being completely okay with yourself, without the urge to look for happiness elsewhere, is a SUPERPOWER we rarely discuss.
As I return to Bengaluru, I'm happy I attempted my long-standing dream of racing in Leh. More importantly, during my 16 days there, I was completely at peace with myself.
Getting to know yourself isn't a one-time achievement but a lifelong process.
9:00 AM: My flight is about to land in Delhi. I'm grateful this superpower has given me the courage to travel and enjoy our beautiful world.
The downside? People sometimes think I'm boring because I don't talk much. Honestly, living with less anxiety is far better than trying to please everyone.
See you in my next post about my attempt at the Khardung La Challenge - the world's highest ultra marathon.