“It’s all about respect. Everything else is secondary.”
Monday to Wednesday was really hectic. I was burning the midnight oil. I wake up at the 11th hour and then go crazy. It gives me a high. But after seeing masked Indian citizens going crazy in the airport I needed a break. So on Thursday, I walked into the PVR for an afternoon show of Thappad(transl. Slap). I had seen the trailer so I knew what I was getting into. Besides, Taapsee Panu and Anubhav Sinha we're joining hands after their ballsy collaboration in Mulk.
The slap happened and post that the movie ripped me apart piece by piece. What follows is the big question - it is just a slap so why ask for a divorce? In one scene the husband says, “Can’t you just move on.” The beloved wife Taapsee replies in a composed manner, “When you are so emotionally involved in your startup that you can’t move on from not being promoted. How can I move on when I have invested my life in this relationship and family.”
The last 15 minutes of the movie is stellar. Taapsee for the first time speaks why divorce is important to the entire family. “I can compromise and try to live happily. But I will be frustrated because I won’t be able to face myself. No one asked me how I felt after the incident, everyone was worried about the husband and his job failure. Nobody said sorry or said the man was wrong. Everyone just blamed me.”
I asked my mother what she will do if her younger son slaps his wife in front of us. She told me that it is wrong and I will ask my son to say sorry in front of everyone (I am a weak man to hit someone).
A school friend randomly after watching the trailer asked me if it is okay to file for divorce for just one slap. “The count always starts from one.”
The movie has left me disturbed for the last two days. The movie is also about the sacrifices of women (educated and uneducated) that we men and society, in general, take it for granted. For instance, if a wife sacrifices her career and looks after her family then it is looked as a requirement. If a woman gets promoted then the office joke is that the business trips with the boss have helped.
When the house help told the stories how her husband was beating, it was a light conversation for the leading lady in the movie. But when she faces it, she realises the importance of respect. With one Thappad, the movie deals with the simple often overlooked daily problems of women across society.
But why do women have to make the sacrifices? Because they have been told to do so by their own mother and the mother has been by her mother.
Research has shown that the mother is the first point of contact for a girl for the majority of her problems including menstrual hygiene issues. However, the Indian Council for Medical Research’s 2011-12 report stated that only 38 per cent menstruating girls in India spoke to their mothers about menstruation. Many mothers were themselves unaware of what menstruation was, how it was to be explained to a teenager and what practices could be considered as menstrual hygiene management.
So Whisper India is addressing the same by getting the mother and daughter to discuss such grave concerns. Last year the brand decided to educate 5 crore girls about menstruation by 2022.
This year it has taken the initiative further and has launched “Keep Girls in School” that aims to create awareness on how even today, girls across India drop out of school on hitting puberty.
This week we have been also busy celebrating the power of women. Brands are working hard to trend on LinkedIn for their efforts. Obviously every organisation wants the “Next best place to work” award. I have no issues but shouldn’t we also encourage employees to show respect and treat her like a human being first.
According to a World Economic Forum’s (WEF) Global Gender Gap Report 2020, India ranks 112th. The economic gender gap runs particularly deep in India. Since 2006, the gap has gotten significantly wider.
Only one-quarter of women, compared with 82% of men, engage actively in the labour market (i.e. working or looking for work)—one of the lowest participation rates in the world (145th). Further- more, female estimated earned income is a mere one-fifth of male income, which is also among the world’s lowest (144th). Women only account for 14% of leadership roles (136th) and 30% of professional and technical workers.
My first encounter with Women’s Day was in 2004 when I had just joined HSBC, Pune after completing MCA. Women were given red roses and some chocolates. And all I could do was stand and crib about it. Such a jerk.
All my life I have had anger issues and it impacted my relationships. Sex therapist Dr Suzanne Iasenza in her insightful talk with Farnam Street makes a point about how we are a product of our family upbringing. I have always seen my parents fighting and nasty ones. I had promised myself that I will not to do the same. But I failed.
Now when my parents say that I have become calm, I just smile. I still get angry but out of 10 times, I control 7 times. Additionally, I make a point to apologise. I never saw the “Sorry” concept in my family so I had a lot of problems saying it.
“My parents would fight like they would get divorce the next day. But by evening they would discuss life over a cup of tea as if nothing happened. Because in love there is no thank you and sorry 😂 It backfired me.”
When I was watching Thappad I could see myself as the male lead who only worried about his dreams, his success and startup. I did the same for 7 years - chased a selfish dream 24*7, took people for granted, fucked lives and then finally got fucked. Trust me karma always has the last move.
You must be wondering why am I sharing all this?
We all have our journeys and it will be always different. I will be the last person to advice someone. But a humble request - don’t take your loved ones for granted. Chase your dreams, work hard but make sure you give personal life priority. And forget hitting someone, even raising your voice in front of others isn’t cool.
Thappad just tore me apart. It isn’t cool to hit someone. Even if it is one slap or giving bad words.
Love is nothing if you don’t have respect.
So spend the weekend with your loved ones. Give the work a break, the world will still be the same when you come back on a Monday. Don’t be shy, express your love and make the effort. Trust me the returns will be amazing. If you are personally happy then only you can be a professional hero.
Peace and happiness.