If I am not wrong the way the Marketing and Advertising industry celebrates career growths of individuals, I doubt if we do for doctors or army men or government employees. Please don’t misunderstand me I am not saying marketers don’t have a challenging job but we do too many press releases of quitting a job, then joining a job and then the first week at work. By now you know me - I have a problem with almost everything because I am also the problem and a pessimist idiot.
Even though I have problems with press releases but I always believed it is a potent tool but our laziness has not helped it evolve. I still read most of them to keep my mind hunting for story ideas. According to a recent press release: a young man became a marketing head. When I saw that post on LinkedIn with 400 people liking and 100 people commenting I was thinking when would people do the same to my articles on social media. Maybe I should mellow down, write about the new norm and use fewer expletives. Fuck me that would be so not me.
Coming back, this young guy told me once how grateful he was to Lighthouse Insights. “It was my go-to source for insights about the industry and it helped me crack interviews and jump quickly in my career.” Obviously, when he told me a few years ago he had already moved quickly in his career and today he is doing good. I am not jealous, but what did I achieve in my life.
A senior banker last year told me that Prasant you invested 7 years of your prime in a startup. Truth be told passion won’t pay your bills and if I had invested those 7 years in an agency I would have at least made money.
I started in 2011 with zero money, thanks to my co-founder who gave me the initial seed money, she was the only one who trusted and backed my dream for 7 years when my own family disowned my dreams and today I have a debt to repay. And when I closed my startup, I had no money, my family was fucked, the girl whom I thought I had loved left me in pieces and I have a huge debt on my head to resolve during the COVID-19 times. That is the fuck up I have with me. And I am sure everyone has a story which starts once the door closes.
So what did I achieve? Last month when I was doing my non-stop Insta Lives every day I spoke to a successful founder. When I started talking I was a little uncomfortable because I considered myself a failure in front of him. Normally I am the kind of a guy like I give a fuck to life. But the truth is I give, we all give and that’s how we are. We just want to hide our emotions and show the world how great and strong we are.
Out of the 12 rules for life, Jordan B Peterson in his book states that his rule four is: “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”
I recently completed a year with my therapist and when I shared with him last week he was very happy. I am happy but I had a question for him: “You don’t have medicine and you are not a doctor. So when can you say that Prasant you are now okay and we don’t need to do any more sessions? When will I be okay and normal.”
I see you are better from what you were a year ago when you had come to me said, my therapist. It was April 2019 when an acquaintance shared me his number. I was seeing another therapist but that was not going anywhere and she was asking me to take medicines which I was not okay.
These were the days when I use to wake up with a hangover, go to work do some work and then drink in the afternoon, come back to work and then again return to drinking bars. I would drink till the bars in Bangalore would close. By now I am fucking high, call people, beg them to give me one more chance but by now I am blocked. So post that I will go to places where I could get more liquor, smoke, and girls. This would go on till 2 or sometimes 3 in the night and would return to my home at 4 in the morning. This was my routine from 2017 to August 2019. I was always high, not wanting to face the world, my problems, my responsibilities and I had just one question why am I living. I just had no goal or ambition to live.
Today I am still fucked almost 5 days a week but I don’t find the answer in people or booze. I changed my vision for my life of having a healthy mind and body. Suddenly from hating the world and myself I made a deliberate effort to start loving myself. That doesn’t mean in material goals(I have done all that) but saying no to things that I don’t love. Focus or push myself every day to do things that make me happy. I fail every day but I keep pushing myself.
“As you love yourself, life loves back,” says Kamal Ravikant to Rich Roll in his recent podcast. Reared from modest beginnings, Kamal has trekked the Himalayas, earned his US Army Infantry patch, walked 550 miles across Spain, and meditated with Tibetan monks in the Dalai Lama’s monastery.
Professionally, he’s done it all too. But Kamal’s most transformative experience has been the simple act of learning how to love himself. “Our most challenging voyage is learning how to love ourselves.”
Can I be a better human being?
At the start of the year, I sat down and wrote my priorities of 2020 and how I wish to spend the year - personal and professional. I sit every month to evaluate how I am holding up and what needs to be done better. One of the priorities out of the five is: I want to be a better human being.
My definition of a better human being is simple “Don’t be an asshole. Talk to people with kindness, don’t be arrogant and make an effort to be nice. Basically kill the ME as it is not important.”
Trust me writing this is the easiest part executing for someone who has been all about ME is a challenge. If you ask people who have met me or been with me they will say one thing: “Prasant is a serious and arrogant guy.” Earlier I would not pay attention but today I want to change or at least make an effort to change it because that’s not who I am.
So I make an effort to be nice and talk to people like a human being, whoever talks to me. But the devil in me isn’t happy and keeps trying to overpower the real me. In this process of being a better human being, accepting when you have fucked up plays a big role.
Saying “I am sorry and I apologies for what I have done” is the toughest thing because I never thought it is important. My parents don’t tell sorry to each other or to me. I think this should be a big part of relationships and parents.
When I was in relationship and marriage, I never gave a fuck about the other person, and saying sorry was as if somebody has questioned my masculinity. We have such amazing notions about BEING A MAN. One of the reasons I have failed as a husband, lover, and human being is that I never valued people and Sorry was never in my dictionary.
Recently I fucked it up again were at a point I was happy fighting, being rude and prick. The devil in me was really very happy that Prasant was being a man again, taking a stand, and making his point clear. But trust me it was a myth and it was broken very soon.
And for an hour I was really happy that I have made my point and I was high. But soon I realised that inside I was not happy, my environment inside was not happy and something was shouting at me that idiot this is not who you are and you have failed once again.
Eckhart Tolle in his book “The Power of NOW” says, “Observing our emotions is as important as observing our thoughts. What’s going inside me at this moment? That question will point you in the right direction. But don’t analyze, just watch.”
I did the same and I can see my body was heating up and I was not happy. So the next thing I said “I am sorry” to that person. Obviously that won’t change things or the person will suddenly like me. Trust me I did because I wanted to do it. I had no expectations and I meant it. The next thing (in the next few hours) I had a lot of peace, inside there was no more heating up and I had an okay sleep. And I am writing this piece with a lot of satisfaction and calmness.
But I am also swinging in the dilemma of shall I open up, live life, and love life or shall I live a life without taking risks and loving once again. I asked my therapist: “I opened up my heart to someone after years and fate had something else in the store and it backfired me. So why should I take risks, love life, and try to live happily.”
My therapist a gem and another Buddha, “Be what makes you happy.” Tell me something new maccha.
Today more than being right, getting good sleep is important. Peace is important so I will keep working on being a better human being. Obviously I don’t want people to think that I am god and transformed into a better person.I just don’t want to come across like an asshole. I want to be ME.
Have I changed from what I was tomorrow? Not much but I make an effort to be a better person and I fuck up pretty regularly. However, the realisation tracker is quite active and I am not ashamed to say “I am sorry, I fucked it up. Please forgive me.”
I can’t change how things shaped up in the last 40 years. My past will be always be with me but some things have started to become irrelevant. But for the rest of my life, I want to be a better human being. “I don’t chase for love anymore but I am working on being a better version.” So that tomorrow you should remember me that I was a slightly better human being.
I fail every day but I still fight every day ❤️
That was really long one, sorry for spoiling your Saturday. But if you are still with me, then thank you! Here are the stories I wrote this week, check if you have missed them:
McKinsey finds out how COVID-19 is changing Global and Indian B2B buyers and sellers interact.
Brand purpose is the biggest buzzword and everyone is trying to decode it. However, it lies with your employers and customers. Have you tried looking with them?
We are in it together - the biggest marketing BS that we have discovered during these challenging times of COVID-19
I have a lot of respect for you since you have subscribed and taken time out from your busy life to read my thoughts. Thank You and appreciate this gesture. While I say I write for myself, but to be honest I also check regularly who reads, how many come from social media, and all that data madness. So if my words at any time have hurt you then I am sorry. I write with an open heart with my expletives. I don’t mean to disrespect anyone.
I am kind of straightforward and at times it is not well accepted. But that’s me with no filters.
Thank you for reading and have a great weekend. Even though I don’t know how is a Sunday different from a Monday anymore 😂
Peace and happiness ❤️